I would like to say I have pretty worn shoes. So I would like to suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
"Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a
successful personality and duplicate it"
-Bruce Lee-
I am hitting a rut once again and this song and dance is repeated so often that at this point its torment. I can't seem to find a happy medium at all. I swear life has surveillance of me twenty four seven. How else can it possibly know the minute something is turning for the better or I am having a good day or moment it smites me down and into the pit of despair I go. Do I set my self up? Do I conduct my life in a way that predetermines this type of reaction? I don't know, I hope not. But here it is a new year and the same old routine. I build myself up to have high expectations and I really do try to be positive. I even repeat my lines, everything happens for a reason, there is someone who is in a worst position than me, be grateful for the little I have, god with us then who against us, and so on and so on. But the reality of the situation is this. I sleep on a pallet of blankets as my bed. I live away from the children, I am back with my old lady but yet I feel more alone than ever, my job prospects are taking way to long.
These are the thoughts of of me nearly a month later and so much has changed. According to this I lasted posted about January 26th and this draft has been siting here since about the same time. How violent and unforgiving life is at time. We tend to forget or grow numb to its wrath and power life contains. One minute things are good, one second we are carrying a hand basket heading to hell. Well a quick update from my so called life.. Apparently I must be a unfortunate teller of my own destiny at times cause that line I wrote, there is someone who is in a worst position than me applied well to me. We were ejected from our living situation at the beginning of this month. What the ultimate truth or motives where for that exodus we won't ever really know. Its is what it is. We as human beings have conditioned ourselves to lie first seek the truth later. I am guilty of this as much as anyone. So I now know that feeling that chicken was feeling in the childhood story.. the sky is falling. So the actual sensation of completely hitting rock bottom and realizing that you have lost even the roof over your head is so devastating I thought I would not be able to survive it. But I got to give god credit cause he built us to be relentless sons of bitches. So after hibernating till we had to pack our stuff and leave we end up at my mom's house. The woman is a saint and I would be so lost without her. I don't think I would ever be able to truly express what that woman has done for me. She has been my saving grace and I just pray I would be able to repay the love and patience and support in this lifetime or the next. She help me and my old lady with a place nearby her house where we would be near our kids. We can now see them everyday and start mending this god awful we let fester and eat away at our family....
to be continued...
"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks
others have thrown at him"
-David Brinkly-
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry. So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them. I have many steps that await me. Goodnight.
"Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a
successful personality and duplicate it"
-Bruce Lee-
I am hitting a rut once again and this song and dance is repeated so often that at this point its torment. I can't seem to find a happy medium at all. I swear life has surveillance of me twenty four seven. How else can it possibly know the minute something is turning for the better or I am having a good day or moment it smites me down and into the pit of despair I go. Do I set my self up? Do I conduct my life in a way that predetermines this type of reaction? I don't know, I hope not. But here it is a new year and the same old routine. I build myself up to have high expectations and I really do try to be positive. I even repeat my lines, everything happens for a reason, there is someone who is in a worst position than me, be grateful for the little I have, god with us then who against us, and so on and so on. But the reality of the situation is this. I sleep on a pallet of blankets as my bed. I live away from the children, I am back with my old lady but yet I feel more alone than ever, my job prospects are taking way to long.
These are the thoughts of of me nearly a month later and so much has changed. According to this I lasted posted about January 26th and this draft has been siting here since about the same time. How violent and unforgiving life is at time. We tend to forget or grow numb to its wrath and power life contains. One minute things are good, one second we are carrying a hand basket heading to hell. Well a quick update from my so called life.. Apparently I must be a unfortunate teller of my own destiny at times cause that line I wrote, there is someone who is in a worst position than me applied well to me. We were ejected from our living situation at the beginning of this month. What the ultimate truth or motives where for that exodus we won't ever really know. Its is what it is. We as human beings have conditioned ourselves to lie first seek the truth later. I am guilty of this as much as anyone. So I now know that feeling that chicken was feeling in the childhood story.. the sky is falling. So the actual sensation of completely hitting rock bottom and realizing that you have lost even the roof over your head is so devastating I thought I would not be able to survive it. But I got to give god credit cause he built us to be relentless sons of bitches. So after hibernating till we had to pack our stuff and leave we end up at my mom's house. The woman is a saint and I would be so lost without her. I don't think I would ever be able to truly express what that woman has done for me. She has been my saving grace and I just pray I would be able to repay the love and patience and support in this lifetime or the next. She help me and my old lady with a place nearby her house where we would be near our kids. We can now see them everyday and start mending this god awful we let fester and eat away at our family....
to be continued...
"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks
others have thrown at him"
-David Brinkly-
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry. So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them. I have many steps that await me. Goodnight.
