I would like to say I have pretty worn shoes. So I would like to suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
-Johnathan Safran Foer-
I just had the most amazing sex with my wife and I am starting to give to the seduction of alcohol. I normally don't kiss and tell that much but my lose lips are running the show at the moment. I know once she finds out about this she is going to kick me ass. Not to concern about that right now. I have been in such a downward spiral for way to long not to enjoy this moment. The balance is still way off but I am trying to live in the moment. I need to express this feeling, this different mood, I think ya call it happiness. Happiness is a delusion that I desperately try to cling on to and at the moment I got it by the neck and I am winning this battle. So happiness sorry for you bud, cause your here to stay for at least a few hours. This leaves me with much to learn and much to enjoy. The sun will come up tomorrow and I will take a breath, hopefully, look over at my old lady and go meet the day. Tomorrow I have a big day with a good job prospect and a day with my children. I hope these stains of utter despair and emotional sabotage won't leave to bad of an imprint on my children's lives and personalities. When you have lost it all the sky is the limit. The world is born again and I am allowed to rise from the ashes like a phoenix and leave my mark on this world. I am not bitter like I would think I would be. Losing everything, memento's, pictures, childhood toys, my kid's toys, etc... I have learn that I will always have my memories and the ability to make new ones of my family and friends. I have much to learn and appreciate and I thank god for everything he has given me and taken as well. I didn't deserve it, I didn't learn my lessons. Everything happens for a reason, for hindsight is twenty twenty. Everything is precious cause we are here to realize that it is.
Sobering up is for the birds. Not two seconds after I took a break from writing this did life find out I was in a good mood and knocked my teeth down my throat. I haven't been to current with my current events so here go the cliff notes. Me and my old lady had a bit of a misunderstanding about a month ago. This lead to someone having to our current living situation. The kind folks that were opening their home to us didn't want this drama unfolding in their home. So it was advised to us that one of us had to leave to settle down the situation. My old lady took off to a supposed friend's house which I knew was complete bull shit. I come to find out that she was lying to me like my gut instructed me from the get go. Let's just say it was a very inappropriate peace for a married woman to be at. These inappropriate situations are a common theme throughout our marriage lately and because of it I have been advised by practically everyone in my life to get out of dodge. The reasoning has always been in my head. One plus One equals two and there is no room for anyone else in this equation. So when you shove a one plus one plus one it become unbalanced and chaos ensues. My heart has a gambit of scars and memories enough for a few lifetimes. Forgiveness is something that is running scarce these days. Well a certain person from this inappropriate place she was staying at send me a few pics that devastated my world. My heart start pounding so hard it felt like I had a jackhammer in my chest. My eyes swelled as my pain manifested into tears and flowed like water. Once again a nightmare had become a reality. Alice Cooper's song welcome to my nightmare plays in my head echoing as my mind goes blank with devastation. My old lady eyes freeze with panic and the air becomes thick with tension. She goes to deny it put there is nothing she can do or say to change the images burned in my mind for eternity. My eyes run in every directions screaming to jump out of my head as the source of pain gets closer to comfort me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry she says. These words are empty with sentiment to my ears, as years of such words have grown cold and useless. What now, what now. My brain is on fire as I try to process this once again. I am replaceable, I am not good enough, I am nothing, I am not loved, I am not needed, I am in pain, I am to suffer, I am back here again, I am stupid. Such phases paint themselves in the halls of my mind, so with every passing I can't help but to noticed them on my way to my journey. I wish I was drunk right now. Being sober is for the fucking birds..
“Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars.”
-Violetta Parra-
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry. So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them. I have many steps that await me. Goodnight.
“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
-Johnathan Safran Foer-
I just had the most amazing sex with my wife and I am starting to give to the seduction of alcohol. I normally don't kiss and tell that much but my lose lips are running the show at the moment. I know once she finds out about this she is going to kick me ass. Not to concern about that right now. I have been in such a downward spiral for way to long not to enjoy this moment. The balance is still way off but I am trying to live in the moment. I need to express this feeling, this different mood, I think ya call it happiness. Happiness is a delusion that I desperately try to cling on to and at the moment I got it by the neck and I am winning this battle. So happiness sorry for you bud, cause your here to stay for at least a few hours. This leaves me with much to learn and much to enjoy. The sun will come up tomorrow and I will take a breath, hopefully, look over at my old lady and go meet the day. Tomorrow I have a big day with a good job prospect and a day with my children. I hope these stains of utter despair and emotional sabotage won't leave to bad of an imprint on my children's lives and personalities. When you have lost it all the sky is the limit. The world is born again and I am allowed to rise from the ashes like a phoenix and leave my mark on this world. I am not bitter like I would think I would be. Losing everything, memento's, pictures, childhood toys, my kid's toys, etc... I have learn that I will always have my memories and the ability to make new ones of my family and friends. I have much to learn and appreciate and I thank god for everything he has given me and taken as well. I didn't deserve it, I didn't learn my lessons. Everything happens for a reason, for hindsight is twenty twenty. Everything is precious cause we are here to realize that it is.
Sobering up is for the birds. Not two seconds after I took a break from writing this did life find out I was in a good mood and knocked my teeth down my throat. I haven't been to current with my current events so here go the cliff notes. Me and my old lady had a bit of a misunderstanding about a month ago. This lead to someone having to our current living situation. The kind folks that were opening their home to us didn't want this drama unfolding in their home. So it was advised to us that one of us had to leave to settle down the situation. My old lady took off to a supposed friend's house which I knew was complete bull shit. I come to find out that she was lying to me like my gut instructed me from the get go. Let's just say it was a very inappropriate peace for a married woman to be at. These inappropriate situations are a common theme throughout our marriage lately and because of it I have been advised by practically everyone in my life to get out of dodge. The reasoning has always been in my head. One plus One equals two and there is no room for anyone else in this equation. So when you shove a one plus one plus one it become unbalanced and chaos ensues. My heart has a gambit of scars and memories enough for a few lifetimes. Forgiveness is something that is running scarce these days. Well a certain person from this inappropriate place she was staying at send me a few pics that devastated my world. My heart start pounding so hard it felt like I had a jackhammer in my chest. My eyes swelled as my pain manifested into tears and flowed like water. Once again a nightmare had become a reality. Alice Cooper's song welcome to my nightmare plays in my head echoing as my mind goes blank with devastation. My old lady eyes freeze with panic and the air becomes thick with tension. She goes to deny it put there is nothing she can do or say to change the images burned in my mind for eternity. My eyes run in every directions screaming to jump out of my head as the source of pain gets closer to comfort me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry she says. These words are empty with sentiment to my ears, as years of such words have grown cold and useless. What now, what now. My brain is on fire as I try to process this once again. I am replaceable, I am not good enough, I am nothing, I am not loved, I am not needed, I am in pain, I am to suffer, I am back here again, I am stupid. Such phases paint themselves in the halls of my mind, so with every passing I can't help but to noticed them on my way to my journey. I wish I was drunk right now. Being sober is for the fucking birds..
“Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars.”
-Violetta Parra-
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry. So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them. I have many steps that await me. Goodnight.
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