Images not lift my should like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
"Surely your gladness need not be the less for the thought that you will one day see a brighter dawn than this - when lovelier sights will meet your eyes than any waving trees or ripplin for aaters - when angel-hands shall undraw your together no more but it would of been nice to be in her thoughts on a day as such .stains, and sweeter tones than ever loving Mother breathed shall wake you to a new and glorious day - and when all the sadness, and the sin, that darkened life on this little earth, shall be forgotten like the dreams of a night that is past!"
- Lewis Carroll
Its September fifth and I have slacked on my writing big time. I have been in rut of sorts lately and just have not have had the juice to finish anything really. I go through these waves. I just erased all of my writing from today and I am so pissed. I am trying to write on this laptop and I hit some damn button and it erased like a page and a half. So I am trying to remember some of the crap I wrote down but I am struggling. I had some birthday shit on here but it was kind of lame and maybe its for the best that it got deleted. Yeah my birthday was on the 30th of last month and I am now 35 years young supposedly. I feel like I have wasted much of my life on a personal level. Having my kids was definitely a triumph and I would never regret it. Maybe breeding with their mother I would regret cause my kids deserve an amazing mother and she a seasonal mom at best. That just doesn't cut it. My b day was a bummer for the most part. My kids made these birthday cards that caught me off guard. I guess I am going into daddy mode for a second I usually dont do it.
"Surely your gladness need not be the less for the thought that you will one day see a brighter dawn than this - when lovelier sights will meet your eyes than any waving trees or ripplin for aaters - when angel-hands shall undraw your together no more but it would of been nice to be in her thoughts on a day as such .stains, and sweeter tones than ever loving Mother breathed shall wake you to a new and glorious day - and when all the sadness, and the sin, that darkened life on this little earth, shall be forgotten like the dreams of a night that is past!"
- Lewis Carroll
Its September fifth and I have slacked on my writing big time. I have been in rut of sorts lately and just have not have had the juice to finish anything really. I go through these waves. I just erased all of my writing from today and I am so pissed. I am trying to write on this laptop and I hit some damn button and it erased like a page and a half. So I am trying to remember some of the crap I wrote down but I am struggling. I had some birthday shit on here but it was kind of lame and maybe its for the best that it got deleted. Yeah my birthday was on the 30th of last month and I am now 35 years young supposedly. I feel like I have wasted much of my life on a personal level. Having my kids was definitely a triumph and I would never regret it. Maybe breeding with their mother I would regret cause my kids deserve an amazing mother and she a seasonal mom at best. That just doesn't cut it. My b day was a bummer for the most part. My kids made these birthday cards that caught me off guard. I guess I am going into daddy mode for a second I usually dont do it.
How can these insightful images not lift my spirit. I received my birthday wishes from the usual suspects. Its always nice to have a fan base of sorts that you can count on. I also got my cheesy lame off key happy birthday song from the kids. Those moments are priceless. What dominated most of the day was her. I was hoping for a call or text from her. I know we are not together anymore but I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of sorts. It makes me wanna vomit at times that I'm programmed like this still. Its going on four months and I still have moments like this. I still have visions and dreams thst this was all a dream and I will soon wake up from this ongoing nightmare. Is it love or is it routine? These events brew a vast pallet of emotions. Anger, sadness, numbness, hope, defeat and insanity. If I was to focus on one I would say anger tops the bill. Anger for sure as the laundry list of crap runs laps around my brain and now my heart. Whatever thread of humanity I saw in her is gone. I was going to talk about my b day more but I'm going with the latest saga. Me and her have been fighting over the kids. I feel she a bad influence and un supportive. She funny enough doesn't agree, go figure. It seems there can never be peace between us. Like the Jews and Palestine. Dispute such challenges I have hope. I have air in my lungs. Vision in my eyes. Blood in my body. Arms and legs to move about. Clean clothes on my back. A few dollars in my pocket. The freedom to express my thoughts and life as I see fit. Dry clean bed if it rains. My children safe and feed. Food in my stomach and in the fridge. Love in my heart. Love from my friends and family. And the perspective to understand that these collection of little things will generate an amazing life for me. That I will succeed, I will rebound, I will weather whatever life brings my way. On my next post I will transcribe our latest disagreement, until then to be continued...
"Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress."
- Alfred A. Montapert
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight
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