I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp. -Bob Ettinger
I was sitting at subway with Mr veggie in my hand and my electronic bud Mr galaxy tab in my other hand. As my line of sight drifted from my crusty dead looking feet I notice this couple. They were having lunch together sitting about a foot apart. I was jealous of what my eyes were consuming. They were both on their phones and not paying a lick if attention to each other. Was it a comfort thing? Is it a falling out of love and just settling thing? Was it we are so in love we can kick it like this? Because of what I been through and going through I've learned to look for these questions. Look for there answers as well. I had something like that not to long ago. I took a lot of the aspects of having a relationship for granted. I never stop loving her I did that right. I never stop being loyal and faithful as well. I took our time for granted. I expect her there no matter what. I wanted it all without putting in the work. Its a recipe for failure is what that is. As enlightening as my day was darkness is always around the corner ready to leave its mark. It definitely made its presence known in the manifestation of body wash. Yep body wash body wash, Wal-Mart, coochie spray, memories, anxiety and finally sadness. That's about the order it went down. I was shopping last night in the worst possible place, Wal-Mart. The caliber of dumb fucks that congregate in this cesspool of bargins and cheap Chinese manufacturing is unbearable. If it's so bad why do I shop there you may ask? Well I'm not rich or even well off and they got great bargains, lol. So as I maneuver my chariot of a cart I make my rounds. I get some groceries, some school supplies, I even get me a cool new phone on clearance at galf the price. Other than the customers and the employees it was a decent experience. As they say all good things must come to an end. As I pedal my flip flop ass to the checkout I get this brilliant fucking idea to get some extra body wash cause the kids burn through it like wildfire. Also being the Virgo I am I always like to plan ahead and be ready for any unexpected situation. So like any other routine go down the isle, go the item, grab it in and off I go. Hawaiian breeze. I stop like a deer in headlights. My body starts to tingle and my breathing starts accelerating at record speed. I start to see spots like small tiny fireworks. The pressure in my chest at the moment is unbearable. Its her again. She's baaaaccckkkk.... All day I did real good. I was keeping busy. I was talking to multiple people all day keeping my emotions in check. Hell she even called me several times and left a voice mail. I handled that pretty well.
But this isn't fair. The memories of our life came pouring in like water out of a faucet. Her smile and laughter engulfed my heart and soul for that moment. I could feel her fingers intertwined with mine as we walked together in that moment that was our life. Then it was gone. Like a ghost that came to haunt me. I thought I have shed all my allotted tears for her all ready. I was completely ill prepared for this. It took all my strength to keep walking without collapsing. My breathing got heavier and quicker. Not a good combo at all. I tried avoiding eye contact as much as possible. I guess they are called scars for a reason. I recovered quickly cause the checkout girl had amazing brown eyes of a goddess. A voice of an angel and a smile that gave me comfort for that brief moment. Her name was Cara. I'm bad with names but for those 2 minutes we exchanged pleasantries I held on to that nametag as I weathered my storm. As I walked out of the store and into my car I realized I'll be ok. Its ok to cry, its ok to miss her, its ok to be sad. I'm going home to my babies and she was part of that. There's nothing wrong going home to the people you love. I have found more riches in losing so much than I have ever imagined.
"Take my hand And lead me to salvation Take my love For love is everlasting And remember The truth that once was spoken To love another person Is to see the face of God."
- Jean Valjean
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight
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