I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
in·stinct
noun
1 : a natural or inherent aptitude, impulse, or capacity <had an instinct for the right word>
2 a : a largely inheritable and unalterable tendency of an organism to make a complex and specific response to environmental stimuli without involving reason
b : behavior that is mediated by reactions below the conscious level
Screaming is all I hear. Pain and anguish if a small child lashing out to the world.How can this be ignored. How can a parent senses not go into overdrive to release and medicate this child's misery. My niece who's 2 was at my house cause my sister had to go to work. I walk in the house and my mother is changing her. She apparently had a painful diaper rash. Those screams painted a scene of murder in my mind. We can't stop pain just as we can't stop the sun from rising. Her crying brings me back to yesterday where pain was afflicted onto more children. Unfortunately this kind of pain could have been avoided. The victims this time were my very own children. The perpetrator sadly to say thier own flesh and blood. Thier mother. Before this incident went down me and the old lady I thought had come to some kind of truce. If was like 2 days prior and like clockwork we were up to our necks in venom and shit from what was being thrown around. I came to a point with all of this. This bickering these injustices will never fully come to justice. Never be made right, never made undone. I give her a ring and I pitched her this proposal. I said look I'm exhausted from this senseless pointless waste of time and energy. The bottom line is the kids safety and well being. We both love them and want what's best for them. So through a series of similar dialogue we came to terms with the philosophy of civility for the better good. As I hung up the phone with her I immediately started the clock.
Cause just like a tiger can change its stripes, neither could she. The bomb was going to go off just didn't know when or how. Boom! Boom! Boom! The chaos is all encompassing. When your in it your blinded by pain and rage. My body constricts and trembles from the pressure. My mind plunges into darkness thriving on striking back to the enemy. My Mr Hyde comes out to play. We are in the devil's playground and recess has yet begun. She has a go at me cause I won't bring our son to visit her. Her lack of transportation is not my concern or fucking problem. She's a big girl. I'm a big boy. We fend for ourselves now. There is no more we. There no more sharing. As it is her pattern she threatens to remove my son from me and his sisters. This is her ace in the hole. This about control not love. He starts crying begging me not to let her take him. The scenario of my screaming niece and the hopelessness that accompanies it filled my heart. Mr Hyde wants to inflict this suffering to her. Maybe the pain will kick in her supposed instincts if a parent to protect one's child from suffering. It seemed the more pain I tried to inflict the stronger and more vicious her psychosis became. It was like dealing with a hulk of some sort. An unstoppable force of chaos and destruction. Eventually the tears of my children brought me back to Mr daddy. She was coming for him. She was coming for him. All I could do at that moment was to sit and wait for it to happened. We waited and waited.
The stillness of the aftermath was unsettling. Every shadow every sound through my nerves into overdrive. I couldn't imagine what was going through that poor boy's mind. Yet another scar and he still has a long life ahead of him. Yet another disturbance in the function of a supposed loving relationship. This is not normal. This is far from ever being right. Just like evil it doesn't have the will to constantly fight for victory. But the damage is done and its profound. What you put out in this world is what you receive back. I will continue to fight for what is right for them and in the end I will be successful. My actions will speak volumes. As for her she has to tell her own story. I just think at this point no one is left who cares to hear. Her problem not mine. These are the days in my life. Never a dull moment. Never....
"People with clenched fists can not shake hands."
- Indira Nehru Gandhi
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight
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