I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
“Love suffers long and it is kind. It is not proud. Love bears all things, believe all things, hopes all things, endure all things. Love never fails. And remains these 3 things: hope faith, and love. Love is the greatest of all these things..”
-The office-
I would like to start off by it made me cry. This TV show made me cry. It's 3:40 in the morning and my is mind racing as if its a horse in a race. I'm trying to keep my head on straight. I don't know how many more times I can screw it back on, cause I'm warping the threads. I just went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and said my god how did I get his old? How did I get this sad? How did I fail? How did I succeed? How can I even wake up tomorrow and look myself in the same mirror and say I'm proud of you.You're worth something. You're not a failure, you're not an idiot ,you're not a heart broken fool. You're not someone's door mat. You are worth something. I don't know if I could ever do that. I don't know if I ever want to do that. I need help! I need something other than this miserable existence, this vacant feeling in my life ,this problem which is me. Everyone loves me but me. Why is that such a problem? My kids love me, my family loves me. My friends love me but me. The one writing right now, the one speaking right now, the one reading right now. I have to lay in bed with me, I have to take care of me, I have to feed and wash me. I keep walking through these halls in my mind hearing the echoes of empty promises. Forgotten feelings, horrible memories, delusions of happiness. I keep replaying her words I keep embellishing her love why? Am I so defective and damage beyond repair? What hole am I trying to fill? Why is it that in 34 years I haven't been able to make a dent to cover this hole? If I was to find the answers tomorrow will I be able to use them? They say it's lonely at the top, but its unbearable at the bottom. I need a break from this. I'm sure I'll have more to say later, so goodbye for now I'll be back.
It always rains the hardest on people who deserve the sun.
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight.
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