I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
Loma Bonita dr.
That's what caught my attention today, as I drove my girls this morning. It's where their bus stop is and the street where my sister lives. I also noticed that the squirrel population is out of control. I must of swerve like 3 times in a 3 minute span.
Then I thought to myself, what are they so damn chirpy about. What could be so damn exciting about being a squirrel. Do they know that dancing with the stars is on tonight?
Do they have credit card bills? Do they watch Netflix? Do they change there oil every 3000 miles? Do they suffer from depression? Do their little hearts get broken by the love of their life? So I had a very busy morning, but as I continue to observer, I noticed the brilliance to there assistance. They just kept traveling from point A to point B. Loving the ability to run freely and see where thier day takes them. I want to be a squirrel. I want the freedom to run from one experience to the next. I want to have pep in my step. God how sad is this I wanna be a squirrel, lol. Then the reality of the world literally hit me on the cheek, as my daughter kissed me before they headed out to school. that kind of little things that will dart threw my mind as I take my final breaths. Sadly that was only but a small bandage on this broken heart of mine.
I then looked in my glove box to find a small notebook containing a letter to my old lady back in December. This is really personal, I'm crazy to expose myself like this but fuck it right.
Dear old lady of mine,
Then I thought to myself, what are they so damn chirpy about. What could be so damn exciting about being a squirrel. Do they know that dancing with the stars is on tonight?
Do they have credit card bills? Do they watch Netflix? Do they change there oil every 3000 miles? Do they suffer from depression? Do their little hearts get broken by the love of their life? So I had a very busy morning, but as I continue to observer, I noticed the brilliance to there assistance. They just kept traveling from point A to point B. Loving the ability to run freely and see where thier day takes them. I want to be a squirrel. I want the freedom to run from one experience to the next. I want to have pep in my step. God how sad is this I wanna be a squirrel, lol. Then the reality of the world literally hit me on the cheek, as my daughter kissed me before they headed out to school. that kind of little things that will dart threw my mind as I take my final breaths. Sadly that was only but a small bandage on this broken heart of mine.
I then looked in my glove box to find a small notebook containing a letter to my old lady back in December. This is really personal, I'm crazy to expose myself like this but fuck it right.
Dear old lady of mine,
I don't know how to process what has happened. Pain and heartache don't even begin to describe the feelings that run the halls of my mind. Why you choose to leave and give me time to "cool off" I will never understand. It was never an equal partnership or a true one at that. I gave and gave and you took and took, leaving me with my hand out to feel the breeze of emptiness. You will be my first everything. Don't know if it was a good thing cause its to early to reflect. I know I was dead inside for the last five years easily maybe more. I don't know if it was love that kept me in the marriage or the comfort of being sad. I've been unhappy for many reasons, for a very long time. I thought having a wife and children would cure this disease. It just made it more complicated. I have always had issues but never an issues loving you to the best of my abilities. You never really treated or respected me like your husband. Your never respected or love yourself. I'm going to say this from a very loving place, you need some serious emotional help. I don't know what that help is. I can't fix you , I can't save you. I almost lost my own life in the process. I think of all the pain and suffering you harbor all the time. Look around and see that this is all you have left.Everyone Can't Be Against You ! You are your biggest enemy. I will carry with me the old lady that showed me how to love. It's been painful hearing your voice and embracing others. It's going to take time but its for the best that we don't live together no more, especially cause of the kids.
No more yelling, no more lists, no more resentment. You have to stand on your own . You have to let go of the hate cause it will kill you in the end. Don't let your past become your future. I love you, I love you, I love you. In the pit of my heart I will always carry the torch that bears your message. Always leave in good terms by saying I love you cause you never know when the last time we will see each other again. Forever, your old man.
No more yelling, no more lists, no more resentment. You have to stand on your own . You have to let go of the hate cause it will kill you in the end. Don't let your past become your future. I love you, I love you, I love you. In the pit of my heart I will always carry the torch that bears your message. Always leave in good terms by saying I love you cause you never know when the last time we will see each other again. Forever, your old man.
Well after an up lifting letter like that where do we go from here. I go home and focus on my life now, today. I'll focus on my kids smiles just for seeing their daddy. Today becomes yesterday and before you know it, tomorrow becomes.a memory to be told.
So I will leave you with a couple of my own thoughts.
They hold me
They need me
They feed me their complaints
They told me
They scold me
They push my crazy, they level my day
Smiles of fiction
Words with drama
I learn their multiple ways
Eyes with conviction
Hands of innocence
They love me, they sustain
They know me
They show me
To be the universe to thier day
They rate me
They judge me
A standard I'm held to everyday
My children
My blood line
Must be civil, must be brave
I'm out of steam qnd have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight.
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