I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
Today I'm going to start with a brief story that baffles me. I was taking some people to the airport today, as usual some banter begins. She was an older Hispanic woman with her teenage daughter. As we proceeded on our journey the topic of family comes up. She goes on to ask me if I have children. I say yes. She then ask how many children I have and I say 3. So far so good. She continues her detective work and starts asking for prices of homes and starting salaries of entry level jobs. I am drugged enough by her mundane questions until she hits a nerve. Does your wife work? Is she Hispanic? How long have you been married? I felt punch drunk by the bombardment of heavy questions? This isn't the first time this has happened. My reaction you ask? I immediately go into my script and tell the tale that she's a stay at home mom. That I perfer she not work cause the children need thier mother at home and the love a mother can provide is priceless. I lied. I lied without hesitation and reason. I don't know why, this person doesn't even mean anything to me. Is it the seduction of happiness, potential, delusion? Is it faith that this bloody mess can be patched up? Is it loneliness or desperation? Yet another mess to be continued, ..
Once again I am side tracked by emotion. I have like 3 stories on hold as I now cut into my history and memory like a butcher. I orginally started this page on July 9th. Today is July 10 now. This time last year I was putting my old lady on a plane to Ohio. Her family lives up there and after her stay in jail for initially domestic violence later drop to disorderly conduct, I sent her packing trying to figure out where to go from there. Obviously things haven't improved much since last year. Also its my wedding anniversary. Eight years ago on this very day. This very non excited pale day, I had my own Martin Luther King moment. I lived a dream. I lived a moment burned in time forever. A day when my lungs fill to capacity and exhale my last breath in this life, a flash of July 10, 2005 will appear in my eyes and mind. A smile of happiness falls upon my face as I write this. Accompany by a tear to cement the reality of this moment now. I sit on my bed dirty and depress as I jog my memory of the magical events of that day. I remember being kind of numb most of the morning. She was frantic and on edge. My parents and many family members where in town for the occasion. Her mom and sisters with her grama where there as well. We had a modest setup nothing to fancy cause we didn't have much. I zoom to me at the alter. Minutes before she makes her final walk as my fiance, her grama pulled me aside and spoke gently in my ear. She rasied her head slightly from her wheelchair as she held my newly born daughter makenzie. With wisdom in her tone and tears of joy on her cracked age skin she uttered these words that to this day still haunt me. "I didn't think I would live to see the day that she would find a man like you. A man with such honor and acceptance of her son. I can now rest easy knowing that you will take care of her right". After such a heart felt expression I gather myself to recieve the love of my life. My angel that found me hiding in the dark. The one person that made the word love come out of my mouth without second guessing myself. The music gets cued. The room goes silent as if a nuke had sucked all the air out of the room. All eyes on her. All eyes on her. My hands clam up, my mouth instantly evaporates all the moisture in it. My heart stops. The doors swing open. My heart resume beating. My eyes on her. My eyes on her. She starts walking towards me . I'm living it. I'm living this dream. This lonely fat kid from jersey is getting fucking married. I'm going to have a wife. I'm going to have a life. I'm going to have someone to cherish, someone to hold. No more what ifs, no more fantasy or dream that I wake from alone. Every step she takes her beauty overwhelms me. Her eyes are that of gods. Her smile still melts me the same today as it did that day. Her hair shined like silk. She smelled like a breeze of roses. Her tears matched my own. I wanted to engage in a kiss forever. I never wanted to let her go. Why did you leave me babe? Why did you fucking break my heart? I thought you loved me? I believed you when you said till death due us part. I looked into your eyes and saw the real untained you. I saw the loving, giving, loyal you. Why did you betray me? Why am I here? Why am I speaking of this?
Happy anniversity babe, happy fucking anniversity..
"May the road rise to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields and, until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand."
- Irish Blessing
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight
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