page 21-Slumber party for one

I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.

I'm laying here on the floor hearing my daughter snore her ass off. My other daughter has camped on my bed so I guess the floor it is for me tonight. As my leg slowly falls asleep on me as I write this, two thoughts enter to mind immediately. One is that this is the excat spot where I use to sleep when my old lady was with us. I use to sleep on the floor cause all we have is a twin bed. There are other beds in the house but I didn't want to sleep another night without her. At the time I felt that enough time had been lost forever that I would be dammed if I allowed one more night where I couldn't reach up and feel her breath and see her sleep. This last year so much had gone down between us that I lived every second as my last. I learned to apperciate every single gesture and thought. So if it meant sleeping on wood floors for weeks, months, it was worth every back problem I developed cause time is precious, time is something everyone can afford but most of us burn away. As gravity crushes my lungs on this floor I go to my main point and topic. My daughter kenzie. She is her mother through and through.  The attitude,  the stubborness, her quiet affection towards me and her love for me are impossible to ignore. Today is her 8th birthday and in true kenzie fashion she has predicted today as a crappy day cause somehow ,someway her older brother was going to sabotage it. I miss living in that simple world, my ultimate goal is to return to that simple happy frame of mind. Back to the birthday girl,  I guess the best way to celebrate her aniversity of life is to tell how her existence has impacted my life. Well let me start by saying that none of my children where born on paper. By that planned in advance.  Kenzie girl was quite the force before she was even born. Since her conception she put her mother through a living hell of a pregnancy. My poor old lady would vomit everything she ate. I am always reminded og this one incident that brings a smile to face every single time. So we where ouy getting some dinner, it was subway if I remember correctly. We started eating our dinner on the way home like the piggies we were, and all the sudden my worst fear happened.  She started vomiting all over herself in droves. For a spilt second I was pissed cause I just spent five bucks on basically a pile of vomit. But in her most pitiful precious voice in tears mind you she keep saying I'm sorry. I mean vomit is just dripping everywhere,  it was a massacre of body fluids. Let's fast forward through all the emergency room visits and doctor appointments to the day of. The whole time leading to this day I kept thinking how my life was going to change forever.  How I wouldn't be able to sleep in no more. How I couldn't piss around with my responsibilities no more forever. So that morning after working all night at walmart I come home ready for some rest. I lay down for about 10 seconds when my old lady pops up like a whack a mole character and tells me it's time. The fear or excitement wasn't there yet cause I was so exhausted. The next thing I know is I'm in the operating room hours later as they are going to perform an emergency c section. Suddenly the fear grabs me as I ponder I could lose them both. They sedate her and start working on getting kenzie out. The next thing I remember is this little bloody leg being pulled out of her body followed by her shoulders and head. My world went silent and just like god when he created heaven and earth, I stood proud and in awe of what I helped to create . I felt this uncontrollable fuzzy feeling in the center of my chest. I felt an undeniable connection to this bloody little person I've never met till now. Tears rushed out of my worn out eyes. Then I came down from my high and she wasn't crying. My baby girl wasn't crying. Why wasn't my baby girl crying? They started to work on her immediately and in matter of very long seconds I heard that big mouth of her pierce my skull. A wave of relief splashed on my soul refreshing my joy and happiness. 
Joy and happiness is what refreshes my soul every time I hear daddy. Everytime they show me something,  they make me something,  then kiss me goodbye, they kiss me goodnight.  When they hug I feel an army of support in thier little arms and little hands. This is what celebrating life is. This is what birthdays should mean. Capturing that moment in time and holding on to it for as long as you can, cause one day its not going to be there no more. That's one of life's dirty little promises. Everything must come to an end so relish it as much as you can. Kenzie girl I relish your love, I relish your ways, I relish you as a gift from god. You get on my damn nerves for sure but you capture my heart in the proces. Daddy loves you forever and then some baby girl. Happy birthday....

"Life is made up of small pleasures. Happiness is made up of those tiny successes. The big ones come too infrequently. And if you don't collect all these tiny successes, the big ones don't really mean anything."
- Norman Lear

I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight.