page 30-This heart of mine it is for sale..

I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.

"Marriage. Why do we do it Everybody knows the stats. One in two marriages end up in broken dishes and a trip to Tijuana. Is it loneliness Partly. Is it teamwork Definitely. Things just kind of go easier when there's two of you. One of you can wait in line at the movie theater while the other guy parks the car. Get better seats that way. Better room rate when it's a double. Are you ready to file jointly...Above you is the sun and sky. Below you, the ground. Like the sun, your love should be constant, like the ground, solid."

- Jed Seidel

That is the contract I signed. That is the world I imagined. That is what my mind sold me on. That's the oasis that quenched my everlasting thirst for love and acceptance. This is why we are flawed creatures. This is why we are gods. We have this uncanny ability to transform and destroy each other. No creature on earth holds such power and venom at once. I'm really starting to think that that everything ever created religion, literature, war, civilization was for the desire to be accepted.  Accept me for my looks, my ideas,  my love, my faults. Accept my philosophy,  my awkwardness, my success,  my sadness. We are creatures of changing habits. Everything is a process not matter how big or small. We all can relate to each other at all times cause we identify the colors on the pallet we are all given. We distinguish ourselves by our shading and intensity of the pictures of ourselves we present to the world. We all suffer from look at me syndrome. I mean why wouldn't we? What the point of being here if not to share ourselves. No creature in existence can be created on its own. Even the son of god needed god and Mary. We are like parasites, always requiring a host. Marriage is the ultimate parasitic system created. We feed of each other, we nourish each other and we cling on each other for the life of us. This is what my mind sold me on. This is the world I painted. This is the fine print the contract held. 

mar·riage

noun

1 a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law 

3 : an intimate or close union

marriage of convenience

: a marriage contracted for social, political, or economic advantage rather than for mutual affection; broadly : a union or cooperation formed solely for pragmatic reasons

Which of these two did I experience? I would say both at different times. My situation is exactly that a situation. All I can say is this really. I've been bit by the parasitic love bug and it feels good scratching the bite until it bleeds. That feeling of relief as you wait for it to burst. I guarantee that's something we have all loved to scratch.

This heart of mine is for sale

Along with the bags of time

This heart of mine is derailed
Tracks of steel and burning ash

This heart of mine is for sale
For a thousand words I could spell

This heart of mine is now stale
Old and tastless with a side of hell

This heart of mine has been impaled
With sharp jagged lies I wish to tell

This heart of mine is for sale
To pay the man to set my sail

This heart of mine , not your Valentine
I sail the seas to run from time

This heart of mine has been sold 
To my mistress,  to my love , to my soul


I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight