page 28-We count our tears instead of our smiles

I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.

30 things to stop doing to yourself

6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

7. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

I'm a hoarder of messages, dreams and past transgressions. People of earth we have a problem. Hi my name is Richard Guillermo and I have an addiction to sadness. I'm so lonely and dying need of attention that I hold on to all my messages. I relisten and reread anything, I have to hear a foreign voice. I need something else to distinguish my own ramblings. Anything that addresses me in a postive light i read over and over. I guess I crave attention so badly that I need to reassure myself with voices and themes of the past. This process is a reoccuring theme. Hence me being a hoarder of sorts.I have to connect through technology cause the real thing is to awkwardly and terrifying.  I listen to voicemails, read texts, talk over the phone. Obviously this blog, Facebook,  and socialize through Xbox live. I need that firewall of protection. I need that layer to buffer me from judgment,  rejection and success. Crazy you say, oh my, very crazy. As much as I want to succeed I want to under very unrealistic terms, my terms. This trench I have dugged myself into is looking almost impossible to climb out of. I really think I've created a emotional hamster wheel. No matter how hard or how little I try I ended up in the same place. I fell asleep writing again for no reason this is getting weird. I guess the object of all this is that all I have is the second before me. With these seconds this is what comes to mind.

We always count our tears instead of our smiles
We never seem satisy with our given answers
We never fill our abyss of questions

We want total love
Total power
Total worship

We strive to be like God
We inherit the ways of the devil

The sadness we harbor comes from delusions of happiness
Entangled with greed
Deluded by guilt

Our memories betrays us
As does life and time
In the end we only harbor our perceptions

Which is darkness
When we shut our eyes
To escape the sadness

Sadness has a shelf life
It has a purpose
It has an ability

To weaken us
To help us
To make us stronger

The ingredients are always the same 
Just like our qualities
Just like our dreams

We give sadness such power
Cause when we love we gain so much

We attest God for our journey
We despise the devil for our struggle

"A friend is one to whom one can pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keeping what is worth keeping, and, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away."
- Arab Proverb

I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight