I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
I just woke up like a kid on Christmas morning. But there is no tree or gifts and its 95○ with 95% humidty. Instead there is panic, darkness and numbness. Parts of my body feel like they are at room temperature which is about 75○ at the moment. I have a horrible habit of not using a blanket. By the time my body shuts down on me, I'm ill prepared for my journey into my oblivion. It is strange, I never just start writing like a bat out of hell. I will usually have a vote with me, myself and I. We discuss the agenda of the day. Do we sleep in for an extra 2 hours or 4. I usually pass out before I tally the votes. Well I do live in Florida, where tallying votes is very complex and corrupt.
I think I'm having a moment of sorts. The fear that has driven so many people to take action is finally getting to me. Even when I escape from the world every night it still follows me in my dreams lately. So far me sleeping forever is not a realistic option. Do you hear it? Tick tock, tick tock. That's the sound of life passing me by. That breeze that takes my breath away and leaves me gasping, struggling. Someone is trying to tell me something. Is it you? Is it me? Is it God? Is it myself or I ?
Wake up ! Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. There's a million questions with a billion answers that would take an eternity to dissect. An eternity to listen to. Its been long enough. Life goes on . Life will pass you by. Life will happen with or without me. Its happing right now. Right now as I sit here on a Saturday afternoon in the comfort of my dark tomb of a room. Right now as I put imy head in the sand cover my ears and sing, la la la, I don't hear anything. Just as it will go on tomorrow and so on. What if this was my last day on earth today? How shitty would that be. For all of us that have lost love ones living or dead the feeling is unbearable. I grow tried of this punishment I self inflict. I need to get a grip, turn the page,
I feel the influence of my dark passenger. He speaks in a simple intoxicating tone. He has convinced me to pull over and take the driver's wheel. I'm drunk on sadness and hopelessness. Its empty promises are exactly what I'm looking for. I wanna buy whatever he is selling. I want to fantasize this text book illusion for myself. This is something the devil would love to sell. I think I've bought it. I think, I think to much, I think. What is the point of having these endless discussion with myself, with you, with no one? The genesis of anything new is such chaos. It took the most powerful entity known to man, God, took six days to create the heaven and earth. It takes us 9 months to create life. How much longer do I sit in this womb of mine before I'm ready to come out screaming and feel the tastless, wonderful air we call life and happiness? Tick tock that the sound of my stopwatch going off. Im not going to be around forever. All I am doing is collecting greys and wrinkles. Today is the day the seal breaks. The water breaks and the labor starts. Today I push for once.
I'm going to push through the door in front of me. I'm going to turn the knob and go. Enough well wishes and potential are ready to walk with me hand in hand through this terrify door. I've let to many knobs unturned to walk away from this one. We alk have a limited amount of doors we can walk through in our lives. It reminds me of a story I once heard.
There was this massive flood and panic and fear rushed this man's mind. His instinct was to get to higher ground. He barley escapes the power of the river as he climbs out his window and latches himself like a leech to the roof of his house. He looks up at the sky wondering how can this be happening to him. What did he do to be but in this position. Like many times before he abandons his fears for a moment and raises his arms to the sky. "Dear lord you know the reasons why, everything is in your plans, deliver me from this predicament I'm in". He opens his eyes waiting for an answer. Silence and more silence follow. Suddenly he hears the voice. His heart jolts with courage and excitement. It sinks as fast as it jolted into the pit of his stomach , when it turns out 5o be a man. A man with his canoe and his offer to save him. The man on the roof refuses the offer proclaiming that God was going to save him. With much confusion the man and his canoe vanish into into the distance. The man on the roof awaits his rescue patiently, as he is certain it is in God's plan to save him. As he finishes his thought the thunderous rattle swallows his ears. He glances at the sky and his vision remains as empty as the sky itself. "Fire department we are here to save you!" The thunderous rattle of there mototboat hesitates for a second as they await his response. "I have someone coming for me!", he shoutd. He tells them to rescue the others trapped that he'll be fine. With no moment to spare they are off to the next person in distress. As soon as they vanish into the abyss, the water level starts to dramatically rise. Its starts to swallow his feet, then his waist. Before he can take another breath he is taken under for a brief second. He comes to a lone tree. He has been washef away from the imaginary comfortmof his roof. Survival mode kicks in and with all the fight in him left he screams. " Why have you forsaken me oh lord!". "You are my salavation, my faith never withered, you assured me your protection.". As he prepares to take his last dry breath, a light from the sky appears. As if God's own hand parted the skies and pointed extended out at him. This is the moment of truth he had waited for. He released his grip and peace overcame him. He wakes in a instant. He is no longer wet, cold and scared. He feels this everlasting peace in his heart. He no longer guards his eyes from the light. He is in heaven and God is by his side. He stops for a second and looks all around. There is nothing but white eternal glow and shine. He's in heaven. He approaches God with one question. Lord why did you take my life, when I had faith in that I was going to survie? God takes a pause and strokes his bread. He then goes to explain that he was the one to send the canoe. He send the fire department and he saves the best for last. The last one was a helicopter that was shining its bright light on you. By the time they came down to save you you let go of the tree and you drowned, you idiot.
Sometimes we but out faith in the wrong places and expect mircales. Sometimes we look for salvations so desperatly that we blind our faith.
"Heart-Shaped Box"
She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for a week
I've been drawn into your magnet tar-pit trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Your advice
Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath
Broken hymen of your highness I'm left back
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Your advice
She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeks
I've been drawn into your magnet tar-pit trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Your advice [x3]
I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight
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