page 22-To suffer is to have been blessed with something to suffer about

I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.

"Never to suffer would never to have been blessed."
- Edgar Allan Poe

Well here we are again. I was going to speak about the blog when all of the sudden this person I don't know started talking about what drug to consume to escape reality. Let me explain a little better. I'm on Xbox live in a party , which to you non-gaming nerds, is an online community where people can chat and play games against each other. Just like most forums there is a lot of vulgarity and trash talking.  This is my escape for the time being. Well I'm laying here in my bedroom writing this blog and in a party. In this party are a couple of people I play with from time to time. Well there's this chick on here who was debating on which drug to take to numb herself. She then goes to describe how anything with a penis needs to die a horrible death. I start laughing uncontrollably and complemented her immediately to nothing but silence. I completely read the situation wrong. I shut my mouth so quickly from embarrassment and the pain in her voice struck a familiar chord.  Swallowing the foot I inserted in my mouth I quickly prepared myself for the story she was about to share. She went on to describe how he convinced her to get back with him after a 9 month break after being together initially for 4 years. I couldn't help to related to the similarities spoken about. She goes on to talk about the world being a place where love doesn't except her. How could a person not love you anymore. She didn't operate on that wave length, she didn't understand that logic or lack there of. The silence follow by every painful word she pronouced cut through me . As if I was reliving my own story. Why do I write about this ? What is it to me a strangers pain? Pain is the chain that links us all together. Pain is an unavoidable element in life.  Be it from pleasure, lost, or creation pain is required so happiness and enlightenment can be recognized.  There can't be light without darkness. There can't be victory without defeat. There can't be acceptance without rejection. I don't purposely harp on these type of matters but this is where my heart sits at the moment. My mind tends to follow my emotions. A system I would like one day to change cause it gets me in trouble. 

Today was a day of celebration. My daughter had a decent birthday. We went shopping for gifts. We had pizza for dinner and a small cake followed by a god awful rendition of happy birthday I have ever heard. None the less the smile on her face was never ending for she was loved like always and made a princess for a day. Tomorrow is the big party with all the bells and whistles. I think today was a victory for me. A very small one in a long line of defeats. I hope its a trend I can keep. So tried of losing.  So tried. 

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable."
- Madeleine L'Engle

I'm out of steam and have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight