I would like to start by saying I have pretty worn out shoes. So I would suggest some clean socks for this brief journey today.
Its 11:30 a.m. been in and out of sleep to the bickering of my wonderful children. Stayed up till about 5:30 a.m. this morning chatting it up with some new friends. Playing truth or dare. First time in my life ever played it. There so much little things I have not gotten the chance to experience yet. I got about an hour before round 2 for the job interview today. I'm also suppose to meet up with my cousin who's a music producer. Been just creating a ton of stuff going through this very dark moment in my life. It's always very awkward when opportunity is pounding at my door. I tend to get cold feet when this happens. I got to keep reminding myself that I deserve this.
In keeping this as real as possible just spoke to my old lady. Quick recap about 4 to 5 weeks ago she left me for another dude. I had a nervous breakdown that day. The ambulance had to be called I thought I was going to die. The last time I spoke to her and saw her was at the foot of the ambulance. Of course there are a million details I'm leaving out. This is just the basic cliff notes of the situation. Fast forward to the present about 2:40 this morning I decided to call her after a few texts.
Old lady:
Emergency need to talk to you
Old lady:
Emergency need to talk to you
Me:
Why?
Old lady:
Situation
Me:
Anything to do with the kids
Me:
What kind?
Me: ?
Me:
If you don't respond I'm going to bed
After this brief conversation snd some swaying from a mutual friend, I breakdown and call her. I get the number from our friend and I jump into the moment I've been avoiding for the last 5 weeks. I called and she picks up the phone. With the resolve of a lifetime of pain I say with much labor "hello". Her voice brought back to a time of comfort and anxiety. She spoke softly and exhausted, as if she been running through hell all day. I asked what was going on and she told me what I've been waiting to hear since the day they met almost six months ago. With no satisfaction or gloating on my behalf, she speaks and confirms my prophecy. He beat the fuck out of her for real this time. He unleashed the monster that has been dying to unchain. The monster that layed underneath sheep's clothing. She goes into detail of this epic battle. Blow by blow I hear these heart trenching acts of terror. The blank canvas in my head goes to work, painting a picture that resembles something out of Dante's Inferno. Each swipe of the brush in my head mimics every punch, every bruise, an everlasting trauma imprinted in her mind and mine as well. The beast has been put in his cage for now. How long will the chains of justice hold him in his place is another story. When a man strikes a woman there are not enough reasons to justify the existence of such a creature.Feels like a nightmare escaping the dream realm and breaking the walls of reality announcing its presence. My titanic heart crashes and sinks, as if hitting an unforeseen iceberg. My arms ache to go to work to hug her and assure her that everything will be all right now. My pulse is steady but normal. My emotions are as steady as a rock. My eyes are as dry as the desert. I feel no joy. I don't lavish the prize karma has delivered to me this Sunday morning. For she is still my wife, the mother of my precious children and a person I love very much. We are all flawed creatures. We are all angels. We are all demons. How we choose to combine the 2 is of personal choice and free will. I speak my deepest sympathies and try my best to convey a feeling of support. I'm not a hardcore christian or anything but I believe in never abandoning the people you truly love. You might give up on them, you may lose all hope and respect, but they are not disposable. They breathe and make poor choices like all of us do. Some more than others. Some dumber than others. None the less these are my beliefs and mine alone. Unfortunately like never forgetting to ride a bike the argumentative nature of our relationship reared its ugly head a bit. The main fire starter is our children. We both are not on the same page when it comes to what's best for them. I won't go into that can of worms cause honestly I'm getting tried of writing at the moment. So with that I bid anyone who took the time to read this a good day and wishes. Also I layed down some tracks for my first song today pretty stoked about it.
I'm out of steam qnd have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight.
In keeping this as real as possible just spoke to my old lady. Quick recap about 4 to 5 weeks ago she left me for another dude. I had a nervous breakdown that day. The ambulance had to be called I thought I was going to die. The last time I spoke to her and saw her was at the foot of the ambulance. Of course there are a million details I'm leaving out. This is just the basic cliff notes of the situation. Fast forward to the present about 2:40 this morning I decided to call her after a few texts.
Old lady:
Emergency need to talk to you
Old lady:
Emergency need to talk to you
Me:
Why?
Old lady:
Situation
Me:
Anything to do with the kids
Me:
What kind?
Me: ?
Me:
If you don't respond I'm going to bed
After this brief conversation snd some swaying from a mutual friend, I breakdown and call her. I get the number from our friend and I jump into the moment I've been avoiding for the last 5 weeks. I called and she picks up the phone. With the resolve of a lifetime of pain I say with much labor "hello". Her voice brought back to a time of comfort and anxiety. She spoke softly and exhausted, as if she been running through hell all day. I asked what was going on and she told me what I've been waiting to hear since the day they met almost six months ago. With no satisfaction or gloating on my behalf, she speaks and confirms my prophecy. He beat the fuck out of her for real this time. He unleashed the monster that has been dying to unchain. The monster that layed underneath sheep's clothing. She goes into detail of this epic battle. Blow by blow I hear these heart trenching acts of terror. The blank canvas in my head goes to work, painting a picture that resembles something out of Dante's Inferno. Each swipe of the brush in my head mimics every punch, every bruise, an everlasting trauma imprinted in her mind and mine as well. The beast has been put in his cage for now. How long will the chains of justice hold him in his place is another story. When a man strikes a woman there are not enough reasons to justify the existence of such a creature.Feels like a nightmare escaping the dream realm and breaking the walls of reality announcing its presence. My titanic heart crashes and sinks, as if hitting an unforeseen iceberg. My arms ache to go to work to hug her and assure her that everything will be all right now. My pulse is steady but normal. My emotions are as steady as a rock. My eyes are as dry as the desert. I feel no joy. I don't lavish the prize karma has delivered to me this Sunday morning. For she is still my wife, the mother of my precious children and a person I love very much. We are all flawed creatures. We are all angels. We are all demons. How we choose to combine the 2 is of personal choice and free will. I speak my deepest sympathies and try my best to convey a feeling of support. I'm not a hardcore christian or anything but I believe in never abandoning the people you truly love. You might give up on them, you may lose all hope and respect, but they are not disposable. They breathe and make poor choices like all of us do. Some more than others. Some dumber than others. None the less these are my beliefs and mine alone. Unfortunately like never forgetting to ride a bike the argumentative nature of our relationship reared its ugly head a bit. The main fire starter is our children. We both are not on the same page when it comes to what's best for them. I won't go into that can of worms cause honestly I'm getting tried of writing at the moment. So with that I bid anyone who took the time to read this a good day and wishes. Also I layed down some tracks for my first song today pretty stoked about it.
I'm out of steam qnd have a pounding headache. Thank you for your time cause its the most precious gift we carry.So please spray the shoes and return them where you found them.I have many steps that await me.Goodnight.
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